The mission of the library
Hello there I had previously made a story but you recommended that I focus more on the characters and less on the decoration. In response to this I present a new proposal. I am attentive to your comments, I am committed to fulfill your needs. Thank you
Public Clarification Board
-
Contest Holder - 2 years ago
Hello.
Thank you for your entry, but it's insufficient.
Some points you should take on mind for a new entry:
- a casual reader would just say that "it's boring". Nothing incredibly happens. No action, no suspense, no mystery. Try to find a way to attract much more the reader.
- the intro does not convince me
- the idea of the protagonist name is interesting. Just check that you use Alexander and Alejandro. Fix that.
- the description of the initial life of Alexander is ok, but could be better
- the first king interaction is a good idea, but also could be better
- the dialog at the end of page two should be improved
- the last dialog should be improved too. Alse, please re-check because I think that the speakers order at some time is incorrect
(I countinue this message on a reply because of the comment words limit)- 2 years ago
-
Contest Holder - 2 years ago
To put it clear: I like the idea, but just because we are already talking about the alexandria library.
A casual reader could probably read it all (or hear the complete narration), because of the 3th paragraph with Alexander name. But, as I said above, it's not a memorable story.- 2 years ago
